worst wedding ever

It was about my wedding. I was about to be married to some older guy with a big bald spot and glasses. I didn't really want to be married to him anyway, but it was too late now to back out. THe most vivid parts were the dress, the ceremony, afterwards, and hawaii.

The dress
I had decided not to go ahead with a traditional white dress and had picked out a shiny, silky lime green tea length with straps dress. It gathered in certain spots and looked... awful. Linda Powers said it looked very, "homecomingesque" which immediately made me want to use something else. I was in the bathroom trying to figure out what to do when a girl walked in and i burst into tears, telling her I hated my dress. She came up and said it might look better if we cut "this" part off and immediately chopping off the underpart of the middle, the part that makes your tummy look flat. I looked at her in horror. She had just made me look horrible. I demanded she put it back in and she did, but now you could see the donald duck print through the material. This was a disaster. In the place we were in, they had discount dresses and dress parts, where I had found the lime green dress, so i figured I could jsut find something else. There was NOTHING. Nothing fit, nothing looked good, so I was stuck trying to do something else. My mom was in there with me and kept trying to put peices together but nothing fit and it all looked awful. I ended up wearing a short white skirt and a tank top. I looked horrible. In the middle of it, i got word that joy had to pee (one of my bridesmaids) and i told her to go ahead even though i was angry and nowhere near the church. I finally just said fuck it and put my outfit on and was SO ANGRY with my mom for helping. I accidentally left my camera in the bathroom stall.

The ceremony
The ceremony turned into a lego ceremony. And they made me look way taller than him, and it was just one big disaster. There was no time to do anything, and I had totally forgotten about writing my own vows. It was just, "do you take him/her to be your husband/Wife?" and yes, and a yes. And lots of people were wearing white to the wedding and looked way better than me.

The Reception
Was awful. I totally regretted saying i would marry him. I was miserable. I hated everything. I hadn't taken the time to pick out table decorations or colors or anything, and had left my friend siena to do everything. It was just tons of random peices thrown together and I hated it. I looked awful, had an awful husband, and everyone was just confused as to what was going on. There was an obstacle course in the background and I checked it out. That turned out to be the most fun thing ever. There were wires and foam tubes and each section required creativity, like cartwheels through wheels, and this crazy bubble thing, where soda and eggs were poured into shot glasses, wine glasses, and different sized bowls and as one medium was used to pour the mixture into a different medium, some sort of reaction occured and the bubbles expanded over the sides and into other bowls/glasses and they created cool shapes. I was definitely impressed, and in a much better mood.

THe Afterward
I had pretty much decided to anull the marriage, and felt bad but I could NOT be married to this guy. My dad told me I owed him 15 bucks a person for the steak dinner and was irritated. Everyone looked sympathetic but I was so miserable. We were all in a big parking structure, and on the way up I realized I forgot to hand out party favors, and someone put them in my hands. they were black and white gloves with the fingers cut off in the shape of a heart when all the fingers were put together. It was totally stupid. I was mortified and miserable, and grabbed my moms hand and told her we were leaving. We drove over to the sands hotel, where we were supposed to be staying so I could tell my husband we needed a divorce.

On the drive over I made a list of the things I hated:
the dress
the ceremony
the cakes were too extravagant
the miniature people didn't look like us
there were too many people there I didn't know or didn't want there
my husband
the rushed ceremony
the lame reception
the lack of colors
the favors.

basically, everything

moral of the story: PLAN MY WEDDING THE WAY I WANT IN ADVANCE WITH LOTS OF HELP AND FIND A GOOD HUSBAND.