It was about my wedding. I was about to be married to some older guy with a big bald spot and glasses. I didn't really want to be married to him anyway, but it was too late now to back out. THe most vivid parts were the dress, the ceremony, afterwards, and hawaii.
The dress
I had decided not to go ahead with a traditional white dress and had picked out a shiny, silky lime green tea length with straps dress. It gathered in certain spots and looked... awful. Linda Powers said it looked very, "homecomingesque" which immediately made me want to use something else. I was in the bathroom trying to figure out what to do when a girl walked in and i burst into tears, telling her I hated my dress. She came up and said it might look better if we cut "this" part off and immediately chopping off the underpart of the middle, the part that makes your tummy look flat. I looked at her in horror. She had just made me look horrible. I demanded she put it back in and she did, but now you could see the donald duck print through the material. This was a disaster. In the place we were in, they had discount dresses and dress parts, where I had found the lime green dress, so i figured I could jsut find something else. There was NOTHING. Nothing fit, nothing looked good, so I was stuck trying to do something else. My mom was in there with me and kept trying to put peices together but nothing fit and it all looked awful. I ended up wearing a short white skirt and a tank top. I looked horrible. In the middle of it, i got word that joy had to pee (one of my bridesmaids) and i told her to go ahead even though i was angry and nowhere near the church. I finally just said fuck it and put my outfit on and was SO ANGRY with my mom for helping. I accidentally left my camera in the bathroom stall.
The ceremony
The ceremony turned into a lego ceremony. And they made me look way taller than him, and it was just one big disaster. There was no time to do anything, and I had totally forgotten about writing my own vows. It was just, "do you take him/her to be your husband/Wife?" and yes, and a yes. And lots of people were wearing white to the wedding and looked way better than me.
The Reception
Was awful. I totally regretted saying i would marry him. I was miserable. I hated everything. I hadn't taken the time to pick out table decorations or colors or anything, and had left my friend siena to do everything. It was just tons of random peices thrown together and I hated it. I looked awful, had an awful husband, and everyone was just confused as to what was going on. There was an obstacle course in the background and I checked it out. That turned out to be the most fun thing ever. There were wires and foam tubes and each section required creativity, like cartwheels through wheels, and this crazy bubble thing, where soda and eggs were poured into shot glasses, wine glasses, and different sized bowls and as one medium was used to pour the mixture into a different medium, some sort of reaction occured and the bubbles expanded over the sides and into other bowls/glasses and they created cool shapes. I was definitely impressed, and in a much better mood.
THe Afterward
I had pretty much decided to anull the marriage, and felt bad but I could NOT be married to this guy. My dad told me I owed him 15 bucks a person for the steak dinner and was irritated. Everyone looked sympathetic but I was so miserable. We were all in a big parking structure, and on the way up I realized I forgot to hand out party favors, and someone put them in my hands. they were black and white gloves with the fingers cut off in the shape of a heart when all the fingers were put together. It was totally stupid. I was mortified and miserable, and grabbed my moms hand and told her we were leaving. We drove over to the sands hotel, where we were supposed to be staying so I could tell my husband we needed a divorce.
On the drive over I made a list of the things I hated:
the dress
the ceremony
the cakes were too extravagant
the miniature people didn't look like us
there were too many people there I didn't know or didn't want there
my husband
the rushed ceremony
the lame reception
the lack of colors
the favors.
basically, everything
moral of the story: PLAN MY WEDDING THE WAY I WANT IN ADVANCE WITH LOTS OF HELP AND FIND A GOOD HUSBAND.
Monday, December 31, 2007
Friday, December 7, 2007
The boat with my brother
My brother and I went out on a boat. It wasn't a big boat, but like a small fishing, tin-can boat. We had taken it out on the ocean and we were young. He was probably seven or so. We had gotten out too far, and sprung a leak. The water was coming in from the bottom and there was a storm coming. We didn't know how to get back, and he's not the biggest swimmer. When I was younger (in real life) I used to take him out in the boat in Tahoe and leave him there, swim back to shore. It was to make him stronger, face his fear. But now in the dream he was there, and I was there. The land seemed so far away, too far for him to swim, the boat to heavy for me to pull. I told him that I'd be back for him, for him not to be afraid.
I jumped out and looked back and he was sitting there. Staring at me as he went up and down, up and down with the swell of the waves. We just looked at each other as the water carried us further and further apart and I felt like I was making a big mistake. Soon I couldn't see him anymore, he was just a speck in the distance. The waves were rough, and they kept pushing me down, down, down. I kept trying to fight them, but I was just so tired, so so tired. I let the waves push me down and I tried to swim up, but I couldnt.
I woke up on the shore in a heap. I shook the water out of my ear and weakly looked around... there was a party going on nearby. I stood up slowly, shaky and wet. For a moment I didn't know what was going on. I stumbled over to the boat that the music was coming from and found myself in a room with a bar. I sat down and asked for some water and the bartender looked at me like I was crazy. A man walked into the room and saw me. He sad down on the chair next to me and said, "I'm patrick. What's your name?" We started to talk. It was patrick demsey, and he wanted to help me. I burst into tears, and didn't know what to do with myself. He picked me up and carried me to a room, and laid me in a bed with big soft blankets. He pulled them up to my chin and told me not to worry, everything would be alright. I felt the boat start to move and I drifted off to sleep.
Awhile later I woke up with a start. Where was my brother? How had I fallen asleep when he was out there all alone? I jumped out of bed and raced to where i had met patrick. He was nowhere to be found. I had no idea where I was so I ran off the boat back onto the shore. Tears streaming down my face I panicked and started screaming, "erik! erik! where are you! where are you! Erik!" As i stumbled down the beach. I kept falling, calling his name. I saw a girl running towards me. Bonnie! I yelled. Bonnie help me! My brother is missing! Immediately she stopped running and called her boyfriend, Cy. She explained the situation to him and we started calling his name and runnign up and down the beach. We walked for miles, for MILES calling his name and searching the water. We reached a spot and I stopped. This is it, I said. I looked into the ocean, deep and dark, forbidding. The sun was starting to set and I took a step towards the shoreline. "What are you doing?" Cy asked. I have to get him, I have to find my brother, I said. I took a few more steps into the water. "We can get the coast gaurd, you dont have to go in" he said. Ignoring him, I started to run. Baywatch style, i leaped across the breaks in the waves and dove deep into the rushing water. Stroke after stroke, I took a side breath and pushed forward. Motivation to find my brother gave me energy and after awhile I stopped to take a break. Something shiny caught my eye as the sun sunk below the waterline. Just one flash and it was gone. It had to be him. I kept my eyes focused on where I had seen the light and started calling his name. "erik! erik! erik!" Frantically I swam towards the boat. I could see it now, as I got closer. But I didn't see him. I was so tired. But I kept paddling, calling his name. I reached the boat, and put my ams over the side. I was terrified to look and see what I would find it inside. I peered over the edge. My little brother was laying in the bottom of the boat, eyes closed. I screamed, "NO!!! ERIK!" and grabbed his arm. Sobbing, I shook him, splashed water on him. This couldn't be happening. As I shook him and screamed, i didn't notice his eyes open. "Kristen?" He was okay! I climbed in the boat and held him, held him in my arms and held him close. "I'm so sorry," i said. I'm so so sorry. Cy reached the boat, he had followed me. I could see flashing lights and medical personell on the beach, bonnie must have called them. Cy and I pulled the boat to shore and the medical people swarmed around us. I just held Erik in my arms and told him I'd never let go.
I jumped out and looked back and he was sitting there. Staring at me as he went up and down, up and down with the swell of the waves. We just looked at each other as the water carried us further and further apart and I felt like I was making a big mistake. Soon I couldn't see him anymore, he was just a speck in the distance. The waves were rough, and they kept pushing me down, down, down. I kept trying to fight them, but I was just so tired, so so tired. I let the waves push me down and I tried to swim up, but I couldnt.
I woke up on the shore in a heap. I shook the water out of my ear and weakly looked around... there was a party going on nearby. I stood up slowly, shaky and wet. For a moment I didn't know what was going on. I stumbled over to the boat that the music was coming from and found myself in a room with a bar. I sat down and asked for some water and the bartender looked at me like I was crazy. A man walked into the room and saw me. He sad down on the chair next to me and said, "I'm patrick. What's your name?" We started to talk. It was patrick demsey, and he wanted to help me. I burst into tears, and didn't know what to do with myself. He picked me up and carried me to a room, and laid me in a bed with big soft blankets. He pulled them up to my chin and told me not to worry, everything would be alright. I felt the boat start to move and I drifted off to sleep.
Awhile later I woke up with a start. Where was my brother? How had I fallen asleep when he was out there all alone? I jumped out of bed and raced to where i had met patrick. He was nowhere to be found. I had no idea where I was so I ran off the boat back onto the shore. Tears streaming down my face I panicked and started screaming, "erik! erik! where are you! where are you! Erik!" As i stumbled down the beach. I kept falling, calling his name. I saw a girl running towards me. Bonnie! I yelled. Bonnie help me! My brother is missing! Immediately she stopped running and called her boyfriend, Cy. She explained the situation to him and we started calling his name and runnign up and down the beach. We walked for miles, for MILES calling his name and searching the water. We reached a spot and I stopped. This is it, I said. I looked into the ocean, deep and dark, forbidding. The sun was starting to set and I took a step towards the shoreline. "What are you doing?" Cy asked. I have to get him, I have to find my brother, I said. I took a few more steps into the water. "We can get the coast gaurd, you dont have to go in" he said. Ignoring him, I started to run. Baywatch style, i leaped across the breaks in the waves and dove deep into the rushing water. Stroke after stroke, I took a side breath and pushed forward. Motivation to find my brother gave me energy and after awhile I stopped to take a break. Something shiny caught my eye as the sun sunk below the waterline. Just one flash and it was gone. It had to be him. I kept my eyes focused on where I had seen the light and started calling his name. "erik! erik! erik!" Frantically I swam towards the boat. I could see it now, as I got closer. But I didn't see him. I was so tired. But I kept paddling, calling his name. I reached the boat, and put my ams over the side. I was terrified to look and see what I would find it inside. I peered over the edge. My little brother was laying in the bottom of the boat, eyes closed. I screamed, "NO!!! ERIK!" and grabbed his arm. Sobbing, I shook him, splashed water on him. This couldn't be happening. As I shook him and screamed, i didn't notice his eyes open. "Kristen?" He was okay! I climbed in the boat and held him, held him in my arms and held him close. "I'm so sorry," i said. I'm so so sorry. Cy reached the boat, he had followed me. I could see flashing lights and medical personell on the beach, bonnie must have called them. Cy and I pulled the boat to shore and the medical people swarmed around us. I just held Erik in my arms and told him I'd never let go.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
marriages, ex boyfriends, and synchro
It was a series of dreams this morning. And now that it's 830pm, I can't quite remember all the details. But what I do remember... there were two different dreams.
dream one: (of what I remember)
Joy was getting married. But she couldn't decide if she wanted to get married in Taiwan or not. It didn't matter in the end, because it was really Jessica Lacey that was getting married. So on her wedding day, we were getting the house ready and it was near the ocean. It started to rain, and I was in a white tee shirt. I was with a tall man. Suddenly I was in the ocean and was enjoying myself but then realized I was getting way too far out. The waves kept getting bigger and bigger and I was swallowing a lot of water. I tried dodging the waves, and swimming under then, but I kept getting pounded and pounded down harder and harder. I took a big breath and went under, in an attempt to swim between the waves, but that didn't work and I resurfaced. I took an even bigger breath and went under and swam as deep as I could. I hugged the bottom of the ocean floor and felt the waves rush over me and i moved forward. Everything went black. A little while later I woke up underwater and it was very dark. I attempted to resurface and was trapped by a beige sofa. I went back down and swam forward a little, and came up very very slowly. I reached the surface and took a big gulp of air and looked around. I realized I was in a warehouse or a tunnel of some kind, the water was there but the ceiling was very low and there were lots of metal things all over. I swam around until I found my way out and found myself in a hallway of some sort. I followed the hallway until I found an exit, and found myself in a bridesmaid dress, in what was called either New Hall or Pralle but it was a very pretty clubhouse with dark tiles, vines, and dim lighting. I found the rest of the bridesmaids and we were all waiting for Jessica to come out and her husband was waiting her. His name was Christen, like my name. He was tall, wearing a white shirt and black pants, and had dark brown hair. He was kind of heavyset.
That was the end of the dream. It was so strange.
Dream 2
I don't remember specific details. But I do remember that it began at the ARD pool where I used to coach synchro. I was in the pool swimming laps, fully aware that the team would show up soon and I didn't particularly want to be there when they got there. I was in a purple bathing suit and the water felt so cool. I saw swimmers I knew begin to show up for practice, but open laps hadn't finished yet. I started chatting with a few of the girls I knew when crazy bitch mom walked in with the head coach. The head coach kind of ignored me and crazy bitch mom just wizzed on by me and started complaining that I shouldn't be there. I got out of the pool and started to dry off with every intention of leaving, when my dad walked in and announced that what was going on was ridiculous and that I should be able to say my side of what happened. We walked into some sort of church and my parents were there, and so was my ex boyfriend J. He was very supportive, as my parents were, and they made me sit in the back on top. We listened to crazy bitch mom to finish saying nasty things about me and then it was my turn.
At this point, I kept falling asleep and waking up, and according to James, was making noises and crying out in my sleep. Since I kept waking up, the things I said in my speech kept changing and I have no idea what I said. I think I woke myself up so I could say the perfect thing.
After it was all over, I was pretty miserable, and J disappeared and my other ex boyfriend cody showed up. He said he wanted to talk and I figured since today had already sucked a lot, the rest of the day couldn't get worse. Russ ended up driving us and we were taking these windy roads around and showed up at Chris Dunstan's house (mind you, I haven't seen or talked to chris since high school). His little sister Marie let us in, and she was very sweet. Jose was there and he kept offering us beer and pot. Marie sat down on the floor and offered me a Popsicle. We were sitting there and I was asking how she was and what was going on in her life, and I looked up and I was like in a gallery, with people from synchro looking down at me to see what I would do when these temptations were offered to me. I looked up and yelled that it wasn't about them. It was about the swimmers and that the parents have ruined the sport. I was not guilty of doing anything and I was disappointed that it had come to this and that Marsha Skinner (the founder of the team) would roll over in her grave if she knew what the team had come to.
At some point cody walked back in and told me he loved me.
Then I woke up.
It was so strange, considering that several of the things that happened in the dream actually happened in real life, the people were real, and a few of the situations were real, but the point is that I haven't thought about any of that stuff in forever, none of it really affects me since (the boyfriend stuff particularly, that i'm WAY over) was YEARS ago.
Maybe it was because I went home this week and saw all the things that reminded me of what happened and what my life used to be like.
Either way, I woke up yelling and confused. It put me in a strange mood the rest of the day.
dream one: (of what I remember)
Joy was getting married. But she couldn't decide if she wanted to get married in Taiwan or not. It didn't matter in the end, because it was really Jessica Lacey that was getting married. So on her wedding day, we were getting the house ready and it was near the ocean. It started to rain, and I was in a white tee shirt. I was with a tall man. Suddenly I was in the ocean and was enjoying myself but then realized I was getting way too far out. The waves kept getting bigger and bigger and I was swallowing a lot of water. I tried dodging the waves, and swimming under then, but I kept getting pounded and pounded down harder and harder. I took a big breath and went under, in an attempt to swim between the waves, but that didn't work and I resurfaced. I took an even bigger breath and went under and swam as deep as I could. I hugged the bottom of the ocean floor and felt the waves rush over me and i moved forward. Everything went black. A little while later I woke up underwater and it was very dark. I attempted to resurface and was trapped by a beige sofa. I went back down and swam forward a little, and came up very very slowly. I reached the surface and took a big gulp of air and looked around. I realized I was in a warehouse or a tunnel of some kind, the water was there but the ceiling was very low and there were lots of metal things all over. I swam around until I found my way out and found myself in a hallway of some sort. I followed the hallway until I found an exit, and found myself in a bridesmaid dress, in what was called either New Hall or Pralle but it was a very pretty clubhouse with dark tiles, vines, and dim lighting. I found the rest of the bridesmaids and we were all waiting for Jessica to come out and her husband was waiting her. His name was Christen, like my name. He was tall, wearing a white shirt and black pants, and had dark brown hair. He was kind of heavyset.
That was the end of the dream. It was so strange.
Dream 2
I don't remember specific details. But I do remember that it began at the ARD pool where I used to coach synchro. I was in the pool swimming laps, fully aware that the team would show up soon and I didn't particularly want to be there when they got there. I was in a purple bathing suit and the water felt so cool. I saw swimmers I knew begin to show up for practice, but open laps hadn't finished yet. I started chatting with a few of the girls I knew when crazy bitch mom walked in with the head coach. The head coach kind of ignored me and crazy bitch mom just wizzed on by me and started complaining that I shouldn't be there. I got out of the pool and started to dry off with every intention of leaving, when my dad walked in and announced that what was going on was ridiculous and that I should be able to say my side of what happened. We walked into some sort of church and my parents were there, and so was my ex boyfriend J. He was very supportive, as my parents were, and they made me sit in the back on top. We listened to crazy bitch mom to finish saying nasty things about me and then it was my turn.
At this point, I kept falling asleep and waking up, and according to James, was making noises and crying out in my sleep. Since I kept waking up, the things I said in my speech kept changing and I have no idea what I said. I think I woke myself up so I could say the perfect thing.
After it was all over, I was pretty miserable, and J disappeared and my other ex boyfriend cody showed up. He said he wanted to talk and I figured since today had already sucked a lot, the rest of the day couldn't get worse. Russ ended up driving us and we were taking these windy roads around and showed up at Chris Dunstan's house (mind you, I haven't seen or talked to chris since high school). His little sister Marie let us in, and she was very sweet. Jose was there and he kept offering us beer and pot. Marie sat down on the floor and offered me a Popsicle. We were sitting there and I was asking how she was and what was going on in her life, and I looked up and I was like in a gallery, with people from synchro looking down at me to see what I would do when these temptations were offered to me. I looked up and yelled that it wasn't about them. It was about the swimmers and that the parents have ruined the sport. I was not guilty of doing anything and I was disappointed that it had come to this and that Marsha Skinner (the founder of the team) would roll over in her grave if she knew what the team had come to.
At some point cody walked back in and told me he loved me.
Then I woke up.
It was so strange, considering that several of the things that happened in the dream actually happened in real life, the people were real, and a few of the situations were real, but the point is that I haven't thought about any of that stuff in forever, none of it really affects me since (the boyfriend stuff particularly, that i'm WAY over) was YEARS ago.
Maybe it was because I went home this week and saw all the things that reminded me of what happened and what my life used to be like.
Either way, I woke up yelling and confused. It put me in a strange mood the rest of the day.
Monday, November 5, 2007
snow, old enemies, and my dog
i have been avoiding posting lately, because i am superstitious and i don't want some of my dreams to come true. Just as an update, my baby dream (which I may or may not have posted in this blog) came true. Pretty much the day after, my best friend from home got pregnant. So i will be an aunt, come july 4th.
the dream i had last night woke me up at 6:30 am screaming. except, the scream was coming from me. sorry, housemates, if I woke you up.
the dream was long and confusing, and took place in south Africa and Montana. Lots of things happened but the most vivid parts were in south Africa with katrena, a girl who i used to perform with years ago during high school... we never really got along because she was a prima donna and i just loved singing but she had the stage mom and the perfect body, yet i had the voice, so it created tension between us. Anyway, she was being called a slut and a stealer by lots and lots of people and I felt bad for her, so I took her on a walk and found out that she was really just super insecure about herself and lonely. People accused her of stealing something, and when they saw me with her they got confused because i usually avoided her. But we had a good conversation and I felt like I understood her more.
Somehow i jumped over to Montana and I was with my synchro family, the walls. We were traveling down the mountain with my dog in a big black SUV when suddenly we lost control of the car and slammed into another car with people in it. Everyone went flying into the snowbank, but everyone managed to be okay. except for my dog. My dad appeared suddenly and took my dog away and a huge line of people started walking towards us. i tried fighting against them, trying to make my way to the vet's office where my dad had taken my dog, but there were just so many people in the way. At some point, my dad told me that mickey didn't make it and he was in bad shape, so i started pushing harder crying harder and harder trying to get to my dog. I managed to climb up the snowbank and flailing, scrambled up the hill and pushed my way through the remaining people who were blocking the entrance.
When I walked into the beige building, I realized quickly that this wasn't your normal vet's office. it was very small and everything was closed off by doors. I was terrified of what I would find behind the doors, and opened them slowly, as you would in a haunted house and were terrified of what would pop out from behind it. The first door held lots of cats and kittens, and they were all just kind of stacked up on top of each other in drawers. There was no sign of my dog. The second room had bunnies and birds in it, and i started to hyperventilate. My dad suddenly appeared and I knew that my dog was gone. "Where's mickey? where is he?" i cried. "he's behind that door." my dad pointed at the door behind the door to the entrance of the building. I hadn't even noticed there was a door there. I slowly and timidly opened the door while holding my breath and looked inside. There he was, my dog. He was smaller, and a bit disfigured, but my dog was there. I immediately fell to the floor, sobbing and mickey came over and licked my face. I looked at him and i saw that his mouth was bleeding, and where he had been sitting moments before was a small pool of blood but otherwise he looked okay. I held him in my arms and i told my dad that we had to get out of there, and find a better vet because i knew he was going to be okay. I had to make sure he was okay. I owed him that.
that's where my dream ended. it put me in an emotionally shaky mood all morning and i still haven't been able to shake it. I think it's because I know he's getting old, and because I'm going home soon. When I go home, my mental picture directly involves my house, my parents, my driveway, the mountain behind my house, my dog, my 4 cats, my friends, and green. I think also, from here on out, I'm going to be more careful when driving with my dog.
the dream i had last night woke me up at 6:30 am screaming. except, the scream was coming from me. sorry, housemates, if I woke you up.
the dream was long and confusing, and took place in south Africa and Montana. Lots of things happened but the most vivid parts were in south Africa with katrena, a girl who i used to perform with years ago during high school... we never really got along because she was a prima donna and i just loved singing but she had the stage mom and the perfect body, yet i had the voice, so it created tension between us. Anyway, she was being called a slut and a stealer by lots and lots of people and I felt bad for her, so I took her on a walk and found out that she was really just super insecure about herself and lonely. People accused her of stealing something, and when they saw me with her they got confused because i usually avoided her. But we had a good conversation and I felt like I understood her more.
Somehow i jumped over to Montana and I was with my synchro family, the walls. We were traveling down the mountain with my dog in a big black SUV when suddenly we lost control of the car and slammed into another car with people in it. Everyone went flying into the snowbank, but everyone managed to be okay. except for my dog. My dad appeared suddenly and took my dog away and a huge line of people started walking towards us. i tried fighting against them, trying to make my way to the vet's office where my dad had taken my dog, but there were just so many people in the way. At some point, my dad told me that mickey didn't make it and he was in bad shape, so i started pushing harder crying harder and harder trying to get to my dog. I managed to climb up the snowbank and flailing, scrambled up the hill and pushed my way through the remaining people who were blocking the entrance.
When I walked into the beige building, I realized quickly that this wasn't your normal vet's office. it was very small and everything was closed off by doors. I was terrified of what I would find behind the doors, and opened them slowly, as you would in a haunted house and were terrified of what would pop out from behind it. The first door held lots of cats and kittens, and they were all just kind of stacked up on top of each other in drawers. There was no sign of my dog. The second room had bunnies and birds in it, and i started to hyperventilate. My dad suddenly appeared and I knew that my dog was gone. "Where's mickey? where is he?" i cried. "he's behind that door." my dad pointed at the door behind the door to the entrance of the building. I hadn't even noticed there was a door there. I slowly and timidly opened the door while holding my breath and looked inside. There he was, my dog. He was smaller, and a bit disfigured, but my dog was there. I immediately fell to the floor, sobbing and mickey came over and licked my face. I looked at him and i saw that his mouth was bleeding, and where he had been sitting moments before was a small pool of blood but otherwise he looked okay. I held him in my arms and i told my dad that we had to get out of there, and find a better vet because i knew he was going to be okay. I had to make sure he was okay. I owed him that.
that's where my dream ended. it put me in an emotionally shaky mood all morning and i still haven't been able to shake it. I think it's because I know he's getting old, and because I'm going home soon. When I go home, my mental picture directly involves my house, my parents, my driveway, the mountain behind my house, my dog, my 4 cats, my friends, and green. I think also, from here on out, I'm going to be more careful when driving with my dog.
Friday, October 19, 2007
Mrs. Edwards and the Strange Performance
James, my housemate, and I got the privilege of picking up Mrs. Edwards (John Edward's wife) from the LAX airport. They rented us this big black car and James drove us there. I hadn't paid any attention to the way we got there, I was just along for the ride.
We got out of the car and waited for Mrs. Edwards and finally she arrived. Mrs. Edwards, a little girl with a blond pony tail and a older teenage boy, maybe pushing 20 sporting a small light brown Mohawk got into the car. Mrs. Edwards sat in the middle. She demanded that I drove, and James begrudgingly handed me the keys. I got in the drivers seat of the giant car, and made James put his seat back further so we'd be at the same level. I started the engine and looked down at the steering wheel. It was a dodge, and I was surprised. Who'd pick up the potential first wife in a DODGE? She liked it, I suppose.
The car was massive and I wasn't used to driving it. I tried to turn left at the intersection, but she snapped at me to turn right. I had no idea where I was going, because I didn't think I'd be driving, that was James' job. To our left was a body of water... it might have been a lake. But in the water were these giant nets and giant plastic containers holding tons and tons of empty and full Pepsi bottles. Some of them were half empty, and several had escaped the holding tank. Apparently it was some sort of recycling center. I was amazed by the massive amounts of Pepsi bottles just floating in the water.
The road curved around to a building and Mrs. Edwards told me to stop. She got out of the car quickly and disappeared into the building. James followed. I didn't know what to do, so I got out too and chased after them. They were moving so fast, I kept losing them. I went up and down, and up and down lots and lots of staircases and finally saw james. It was like chasing the rabbit down the rabbit hole. We darted down one last flight of stairs and saw Mrs. Edwards and an older man with a peter pan hat on a mini stage, that looked like it may have something behind it. He scoffed at us when she introduced us as her drivers, and then went behind the door. She called me up on stage and demanded me to read lines with her from a play. She opened the book.
"Read these lines in a 20's British accent"
I looked at her like she was crazy. I hadn't read lines since i was fifteen and had never really been good at it. Plus the part was supposed to be a male. I tried, and she began her part. My jaw dropped.... this woman was like Miranda Priestly from the Devil Wears Prada. She was rude, haughty, and not to be messed with. But suddenly, she actually had character. She noticed that I'd stopped reading and said, "silly girl, why aren't' you reading lines!"
I had lost my place. I looked down but the pages had been torn up. I stumbled through pages and pages, trying to find where I had left off but I couldn't find it. She was getting impatient and angry. Out of nowhere, Ivan Van Norman (insert real life: I’ve had him in ONE class and I don’t know really who he is) came up and had two yogurt cups… he wanted to show me a magic trick. He “magically” smashed the two together to make it one yogurt cup and Mrs. Edwards had been watching. She stormed across the stage and showed everyone how the trick worked… one of the yogurt cups was missing the bottom. Ivan’s happy face sunk into a embarrassed frown and he walked offstage. I tried again to find my place in the play, but Mrs. Edwards just got angrier and angrier. A few people tried to help, but it was no use. Too many pages were missing from the book. This sparked something in Mrs. Edwards, and all of a sudden she was a one woman show. She began speaking lines from a play I had never heard of and I used to opportunity to get away from her. I went back to James and realized I’d lost the rental car key, but he told me he had put it in my pocket. I reached in and sure enough, there it was.
The performance went on to include Mrs. Edwards doing all sorts of crazy things, and eventually she lost her pants. They just fell down. She was wearing old lady blue pants with white heels. She had no waist and they just fell down. I rushed over there to cover her up from the audience that had appeared, and to my surprise, she just started laughing. James came onstage to help and asked if she was alright, and she hit him. She hit him over and over again laughing, and they lauched into a competition to see who was better. They played, monkey see monkey do, and began to jump into nets to outdo each other. This old lady and James. It was quite a sight. Eventually she tired out and regained her composure. I was terrified she was going to fire me, and banish me from the US or something. She turned towards me with a strange look on her face.
“That was the most fun I’ve had in a long, long time,” she said, smiling.
*editors note: in real life, James really did pick up Mrs. Edwards last night from LAX. He got a rental car and a GPS system and drove Mr. and Mrs. Edwards around on a date. He's their driver until Saturday night.
We got out of the car and waited for Mrs. Edwards and finally she arrived. Mrs. Edwards, a little girl with a blond pony tail and a older teenage boy, maybe pushing 20 sporting a small light brown Mohawk got into the car. Mrs. Edwards sat in the middle. She demanded that I drove, and James begrudgingly handed me the keys. I got in the drivers seat of the giant car, and made James put his seat back further so we'd be at the same level. I started the engine and looked down at the steering wheel. It was a dodge, and I was surprised. Who'd pick up the potential first wife in a DODGE? She liked it, I suppose.
The car was massive and I wasn't used to driving it. I tried to turn left at the intersection, but she snapped at me to turn right. I had no idea where I was going, because I didn't think I'd be driving, that was James' job. To our left was a body of water... it might have been a lake. But in the water were these giant nets and giant plastic containers holding tons and tons of empty and full Pepsi bottles. Some of them were half empty, and several had escaped the holding tank. Apparently it was some sort of recycling center. I was amazed by the massive amounts of Pepsi bottles just floating in the water.
The road curved around to a building and Mrs. Edwards told me to stop. She got out of the car quickly and disappeared into the building. James followed. I didn't know what to do, so I got out too and chased after them. They were moving so fast, I kept losing them. I went up and down, and up and down lots and lots of staircases and finally saw james. It was like chasing the rabbit down the rabbit hole. We darted down one last flight of stairs and saw Mrs. Edwards and an older man with a peter pan hat on a mini stage, that looked like it may have something behind it. He scoffed at us when she introduced us as her drivers, and then went behind the door. She called me up on stage and demanded me to read lines with her from a play. She opened the book.
"Read these lines in a 20's British accent"
I looked at her like she was crazy. I hadn't read lines since i was fifteen and had never really been good at it. Plus the part was supposed to be a male. I tried, and she began her part. My jaw dropped.... this woman was like Miranda Priestly from the Devil Wears Prada. She was rude, haughty, and not to be messed with. But suddenly, she actually had character. She noticed that I'd stopped reading and said, "silly girl, why aren't' you reading lines!"
I had lost my place. I looked down but the pages had been torn up. I stumbled through pages and pages, trying to find where I had left off but I couldn't find it. She was getting impatient and angry. Out of nowhere, Ivan Van Norman (insert real life: I’ve had him in ONE class and I don’t know really who he is) came up and had two yogurt cups… he wanted to show me a magic trick. He “magically” smashed the two together to make it one yogurt cup and Mrs. Edwards had been watching. She stormed across the stage and showed everyone how the trick worked… one of the yogurt cups was missing the bottom. Ivan’s happy face sunk into a embarrassed frown and he walked offstage. I tried again to find my place in the play, but Mrs. Edwards just got angrier and angrier. A few people tried to help, but it was no use. Too many pages were missing from the book. This sparked something in Mrs. Edwards, and all of a sudden she was a one woman show. She began speaking lines from a play I had never heard of and I used to opportunity to get away from her. I went back to James and realized I’d lost the rental car key, but he told me he had put it in my pocket. I reached in and sure enough, there it was.
The performance went on to include Mrs. Edwards doing all sorts of crazy things, and eventually she lost her pants. They just fell down. She was wearing old lady blue pants with white heels. She had no waist and they just fell down. I rushed over there to cover her up from the audience that had appeared, and to my surprise, she just started laughing. James came onstage to help and asked if she was alright, and she hit him. She hit him over and over again laughing, and they lauched into a competition to see who was better. They played, monkey see monkey do, and began to jump into nets to outdo each other. This old lady and James. It was quite a sight. Eventually she tired out and regained her composure. I was terrified she was going to fire me, and banish me from the US or something. She turned towards me with a strange look on her face.
“That was the most fun I’ve had in a long, long time,” she said, smiling.
*editors note: in real life, James really did pick up Mrs. Edwards last night from LAX. He got a rental car and a GPS system and drove Mr. and Mrs. Edwards around on a date. He's their driver until Saturday night.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
the man in the maroon turtleneck
I was in vegas. But it wasn't vegas at all. It was the Anaheim Convention Center in Reno, like how all the casinos connect to each other... you start in one and begin wandering around until you feel like you've been walking around in circles. You could do that all day and never go outside.
I met a man, a tall, thin, wiry man with a maroon turtleneck, dark hair, and an iphone. He had a baby. Her name was Suri and she had the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen. Bright blue, but not piercing. Calm blue. She was maybe about eight months old and dressed in a white outfit, wrapped in a blanket. He handed her to me and told me to watch over her, but he'd be back. He handed me the phone and I didn't really think it was that big of a deal that he was giving me his baby. Not to keep, just to watch for awhile. Said if there were any emergencies, to call him on the iphone. But that didn't make sense, because it was his phone, how would I reach him if he was giving me his phone?
I ended up meeting up with someone else. I couldn't tell you if it was a man or a woman, an older person or young. Although it may have been shannon, my old college roommate. Either way, I took a break from babysitting somehow and my mother told me I needed to meet up with this girl, Anna, from my high school who I had never been friends with and haven't talked to since the eighth grade, at the peter pan sign downstairs. I couldn't remember where that was, so instead of meeting there, we just walked down to the beach. This guy David, from crosswalk, was there organizing a bible walk and directing firetrucks onto the sand. It was hot and the sand was difficult to walk on. Anna and I agreed to meet up later, again at the peter pan sign. I was back in the convention center holding Suri, walking back and forth, when the iphone beeped.
"I have an emergency"
Initially I didn't panic, I handed the phone to the person I was with. I never saw its face. But it was with me. Suri woke up and started to cry, so i walked back and forth, stroking her head and talking to her until she went back to sleep. My arm hurt, so I let her sleep on my shoulder, face down. She liked that.
My attention went back to the iphone. "Ask what the emergency is," I said to It. It texted the person back, asking what was up and telling the person that I was just the babysitter and I didn't know how to get ahold of the man in the maroon turtleneck. We waited, and there was no response. I started to worry, that maybe it was the baby's mother and there was something really wrong. The scenario played out in my head... the man in the maroon turtleneck was gone forever and I was left to take care of Suri. Or he would come back and ask me to take care of the baby with him. I had all these images playing in my head and I started to freak out... I couldn't have a baby. I couldn't have a baby because I don't know how to take care of one. I don't know how to love someone unconditionally and fully, to sacrifice myself for another human being and I don't know if I could. I loved this baby though, I had only been with Suri for a little while but already I knew her. I knew her and I loved her. But I couldn't have her. She wasn't mine and I couldn't love her the way her mother loved her. Her small body felt heavy in my arms, her presence foreign. I couldn't take care of this baby. I couldn't. Could I? Maybe I could. Maybe, even though I knew i couldn't do it, I could. Maybe she'd like me, and maybe i'd be okay. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. Maybe she'd grow up to be like me, and maybe she'd even love me back. Maybe-
the iphone rang. it was the person. It looked at it and a strange look came across the face. It handed me the phone.
"the cows are licking me and I don't know what to do. They're wandering."
I nearly threw the iphone across the room. In that moment of relief and rage, i saw maroon walking towards me. Suri stirred in my arms and I looked down. She opened her eyes slowly and something in those baby blues said something to me. Looking back up, the man in the maroon turtleneck was in front of me.
"thank you for taking care of my baby," he said.
"there was an emergency, everything's okay," I said. "I think. But you might want to check on your friend with the cows."
He nodded knowingly. He gently lifted Suri out of my arms and I felt a huge burden had been lifted from me. As he walked away, i suddenly felt the urge to run up to the man in the maroon turtleneck and give Suri one last kiss on her forehead. I fought the urge to hold her close to my body, to place my hand on the back of her head and look back into the baby blue eyes and tell her I loved her. I closed my eyes for a moment, to let the feeling go away but it didn't.
I opened my eyes and they were gone. Suri and the man in the maroon turtleneck.
I met a man, a tall, thin, wiry man with a maroon turtleneck, dark hair, and an iphone. He had a baby. Her name was Suri and she had the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen. Bright blue, but not piercing. Calm blue. She was maybe about eight months old and dressed in a white outfit, wrapped in a blanket. He handed her to me and told me to watch over her, but he'd be back. He handed me the phone and I didn't really think it was that big of a deal that he was giving me his baby. Not to keep, just to watch for awhile. Said if there were any emergencies, to call him on the iphone. But that didn't make sense, because it was his phone, how would I reach him if he was giving me his phone?
I ended up meeting up with someone else. I couldn't tell you if it was a man or a woman, an older person or young. Although it may have been shannon, my old college roommate. Either way, I took a break from babysitting somehow and my mother told me I needed to meet up with this girl, Anna, from my high school who I had never been friends with and haven't talked to since the eighth grade, at the peter pan sign downstairs. I couldn't remember where that was, so instead of meeting there, we just walked down to the beach. This guy David, from crosswalk, was there organizing a bible walk and directing firetrucks onto the sand. It was hot and the sand was difficult to walk on. Anna and I agreed to meet up later, again at the peter pan sign. I was back in the convention center holding Suri, walking back and forth, when the iphone beeped.
"I have an emergency"
Initially I didn't panic, I handed the phone to the person I was with. I never saw its face. But it was with me. Suri woke up and started to cry, so i walked back and forth, stroking her head and talking to her until she went back to sleep. My arm hurt, so I let her sleep on my shoulder, face down. She liked that.
My attention went back to the iphone. "Ask what the emergency is," I said to It. It texted the person back, asking what was up and telling the person that I was just the babysitter and I didn't know how to get ahold of the man in the maroon turtleneck. We waited, and there was no response. I started to worry, that maybe it was the baby's mother and there was something really wrong. The scenario played out in my head... the man in the maroon turtleneck was gone forever and I was left to take care of Suri. Or he would come back and ask me to take care of the baby with him. I had all these images playing in my head and I started to freak out... I couldn't have a baby. I couldn't have a baby because I don't know how to take care of one. I don't know how to love someone unconditionally and fully, to sacrifice myself for another human being and I don't know if I could. I loved this baby though, I had only been with Suri for a little while but already I knew her. I knew her and I loved her. But I couldn't have her. She wasn't mine and I couldn't love her the way her mother loved her. Her small body felt heavy in my arms, her presence foreign. I couldn't take care of this baby. I couldn't. Could I? Maybe I could. Maybe, even though I knew i couldn't do it, I could. Maybe she'd like me, and maybe i'd be okay. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. Maybe she'd grow up to be like me, and maybe she'd even love me back. Maybe-
the iphone rang. it was the person. It looked at it and a strange look came across the face. It handed me the phone.
"the cows are licking me and I don't know what to do. They're wandering."
I nearly threw the iphone across the room. In that moment of relief and rage, i saw maroon walking towards me. Suri stirred in my arms and I looked down. She opened her eyes slowly and something in those baby blues said something to me. Looking back up, the man in the maroon turtleneck was in front of me.
"thank you for taking care of my baby," he said.
"there was an emergency, everything's okay," I said. "I think. But you might want to check on your friend with the cows."
He nodded knowingly. He gently lifted Suri out of my arms and I felt a huge burden had been lifted from me. As he walked away, i suddenly felt the urge to run up to the man in the maroon turtleneck and give Suri one last kiss on her forehead. I fought the urge to hold her close to my body, to place my hand on the back of her head and look back into the baby blue eyes and tell her I loved her. I closed my eyes for a moment, to let the feeling go away but it didn't.
I opened my eyes and they were gone. Suri and the man in the maroon turtleneck.
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